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Liminal Spaces

by Ryan Knowles

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1.
Event Horizon 04:45
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I took a walk through my life in reverse, It all felt rehearsed, like a dance, and I wondered, Would my footsteps matter Even if they’re scattered ‘cross the same dirty floor, ‘Round and around like some sad little circus, A carousel warbling cheerfully out in the dark, Shadows of sharks lying in wait, Was I the angler or was I the bait? This circling cycle was never a prison, Spiraling backwards like galaxies wistfully spun, Nowhere to run, nothing to see, I’m falling apart in this strange reverie…
2.
Salt 04:08
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I’m getting out tomorrow, I finally have a plan, But I’m held up at the threshold Of the man I was and the man I am, Drifting through the hours that drag me out of bed, And nothing quite matters more Than the chapters that I haven’t got to yet, I’m done hanging onto yesterdays, I’m done hanging onto yesterdays, A life stretched before me, But so many left behind, Every mem’ry is a story, But I think it’s time I got along with mine, A pause at the threshold, Eurydice dies, To turn back or never, Like Edith as her flesh was turned to brine, I’m done hanging onto yesterdays, I’m done hanging onto yesterdays, I’m not hanging on, I’m not hanging on, I’m done hanging onto yesterdays, I’m not hanging onto yesterdays, I’m done hanging on to yesterdays, I’m not hanging on, I’m not hanging on, I’m done hanging on, I’m on my way.
3.
The Gardener 03:32
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4.
Who's Going to Love Me Now? 04:30
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In empty hours and bedrooms, Or tangled in the sheets, I saw the lives I’ve lived in Fossilized by pressure, time, and heat, But who’s going to love me now? I sat awhile in silence, Then picked up my guitar, I felt I was an island, A satellite, a cold and distant star, But who’s going to love me now? And I don’t know what happened, I wish I didn’t care, But all that I imagined Was all that was already there, I thought I could be honest, Can’t even tell the truth, Just skating on the surface, A surface warped and worn with overuse, So who’s going to love me now? I’m trading all my phantoms For one more hour of sleep, But now my is empty Of secrets I could never bear to keep, But who’s going to love me now? Who’s going to love me now? Who’s going to love me now? Are you going to love me now?
5.
The Wolf 05:02
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Summer skies burn auburn, Black-blue-orange falls the night, The moon hangs high, but skies are cloudy, The streets denied celestial light, The wind’s a howling wolf so hungry, Pawing at my windowpane, Should I let the wind consume me, Only my mem’ry to remain? Starving on empty tomorrows, Choking on my yesterdays, The wolf still beckons at my window, No one’s beckoning to stay…
6.
The Ocean 03:16
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I’m sliding away for winter, I’ll try not to slip and fall, The hard start between now and never, A split second’s forever, after all, I’m waving goodbye in postcards, I’m sailing away for sure, I’m frozen in painted pictures, And I’ve never felt so insecure, In all the ways I’ve lost myself, I never thought I’d need your help, Fold the hand that I was dealt, I wish I’d fall apart for someone else, I’m rolling away forever, Forever is not for long, I’m sorry that all I left you… All that I left you was this song.
7.
Undertow 05:28
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Swept away like trees in fog along the highway, Motion-blurred and cold, All is calm, Is gone, Is said and done, Swept away like cobweb dreams before a nightmare, Head against the window, Drifting off, I’m lost, I’m lost, Swept away like memory, Empty as the sky, Like clouds of cold November.
8.
Trickle of Glass 07:52
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I saw it lying there, lying in a casket, It kept pretending it was me, I’d know it anywhere, I was so afraid I’d catch it, Never thought it would catch me, I saw a light, I swear I saw, but there’s no signal, Just static on a screen, Another line, Call and response, but there’s no answer, The voice I heard was mine, Trick of the light, I swear I saw it moving out of the corner of my eye, A little lie, The kind that keeps you honest, The kind that keeps you up at night, Thought I was fine, But then I stared at my reflection, And I was not alone, It wasn’t time, But they threw dirt down on my casket, And marked it with a stone, A little lie can make things right, A little lie can’t make it true, A little lie won’t bring it back, A little lie is all I have.
9.
Saccharine 06:18
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Wanting, wanted, Never they way you wanted it, Never the way that you want, Haunting, haunted, Tied to a place you cannot leave, Tied to days left behind, I’m what you want, not what you need, The sunken cost is all you see, Long lost in thoughts and reveries So sickly sweet they’re saccharine, Hold me hostage, Holding the key to everything, Hold your bag at the door, Always wanting every desire to be satisfied, Never the way that you want, I’m not the one who wanted me, I can’t be all and everything, I’m all you’ve got, but I’m a dream, I’m there, I’m not, I’m saccharine.
10.
Somnambulist 05:02
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Afternoon, evening, eternal, Heart like a fist in my chest, To be honest, I’m almost nocturnal, To be honest, I need some rest, A gold and blue halo surrounds me, I fall to the back of my mind, A subtle suggestion confounds me: I’m on my way home, but I’m just along for the ride, To and away from the city, The ebb and the flow of the tide, All of a sudden, it hits me: I’ve planned out a small suicide, I thought that the world might be ending, And then I thought, maybe just me, But I see no use in pretending That the ending is all that I see, I get home, quarter past five, And I’m not alive, But I’ll never die, I’ll just be reborn, A drop in the storm, Condense and reform, Rinse and repeat, But never again, ‘Cause every song ends, And I can’t pretend, I’m tired of singing these same songs, Why can’t I be done, And write for the sun, And not for what’s gone? When nothing’s to come, All that remains is more of the same, But I want to change, I want to be, I want to be I want to be More than an epitaph, More than a funeral dirge, More than a polygraph, More than the sum of my parts, More than my bleeding heart, More than my mind, More than a satellite, More than a star, I want to be.

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released March 10, 2024

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Ryan Knowles Toronto, Ontario

When not writing third-person bios about himself, Ryan Knowles plays the bass guitar and piano with some level of proficiency and haphazzardly stumbles around the guitar. He is most at home writing lyrics or stories or just playing for the hell of it, and decided it might be a good idea to just put some of the songs he writes out there. Enjoy, or don't. It's your call. ... more

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